Beer, Fat-Bottomed Girls and Nukes

I feel fortunate to have sampled some truly fine beers in my time.  Many years ago I was at my friend Mark's house in Fayetteville, Arkansas when he decided to break out his private stash of authentic German-brewed Lowenbrau Special Dark.  Mark was the head mechanic down at Highroller Cyclery and had an all-Campy Nuovo Record-equipped Mondia Special that was custom-built for him while he was living in Europe in 1971-72.  Anyway, we'd been taking about the "Three Bs" (Broads, Bicycles and Beer) and the beer discussion triggered the need to break out the Lowenbrau.  IIRC we only consumed a six-pack between us, but this was REAL German beer and not the Pasteurized watered-down swill that most Americans routinely consume.  In short order we were feeling "comfortably numb" and decided to go for an evening stroll atop scenic Mt. Sequoyah.  As we were staggering down the street singing "Fat Bottomed Girls" off-key, we heard a loud explosion and saw a huge fireball erupt.  I remember Mark looking at me, eyes wide with fright, and shouting, "This is IT!"  Convinced that World War III had started, we both ran as fast as we could back toward his house.  We woke up his sleeping wife, Carol, who thought we were both drunk and/or hallucinating.  We didn't learn until the following day that a drunk driver had slammed his car into a natural gas pipeline, hence the seemingly nuke-like boom and fireball - made even more nuke-like in our minds by the potent Lowenbrau.

 

More Hype: 30-Speed Bicycles
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Cycling

With the advent of modern 10 cog freewheels, the "30-speed bicycle" has become a reality.  Combine a triple chainring with a 10 cog freewheel and you've got 30 speeds, right?

Well, maybe . . . and maybe not.  Chances are some of the extreme combinations (i.e., large chainring/large freewheel cog) may not sit too well with even the most modern derailleurs.  Assuming your state-of-the-art "carpet-fiber" shifters can handle the extremes, are the gear-inches produced unique or just near-duplicates of some other chainring/cog combinations?  Is the resulting shift-pattern too-complex to master even with a gear chart taped to your handlebar stem?  (Ah, do you even understand what I'm talking about?)

To quote the late great cycling sage, Sheldon Brown, "(gear inches) . . . is the equivalent diameter of the drive wheel on a high-wheeled bicycle. When chain-drive "safety" bikes came in, the same system was used, multiplying the drive wheel diameter by the sprocket ratio.  It is very easy to calculate: the diameter of the drive wheel, times the size of the front sprocket divided by the size of the rear sprocket. This gives a convenient two-or-three-digit number."

So . . . do you have a clue what the available gear-inches are on your 30-speed wonder?  How about the shift-pattern you need to use to get the most use out of all your gears?  You can use Sheldon's handy on-line "Gear Calculator" to figure our how your available gears plot out, then pray that you don't have a bunch of wicked double-shifts (shifts on both derailleurs) needed to use your gears.

For the record, my 1980s-vintage Ciocc (which has 52x41 chainrings and a six-cog 13-23 freewheel) has eight very useable gears with only one double-shift.  Four up on the rear derailleur, one shift one the front derailleur to the big ring and one back on the freewheel, then three more on the rear derailleur to top out.  Reverse sequence to shift down.  Easy to remember and very quick - important in a race when you can't be fumbling to find the right gear.

 

Hype Is No Substitute For Taste
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Beer

Last weekend I decided to give MGD 64 another try.  My sole previous exposure to this ultra-low calorie version of Miller Genuine Draft had NOT been favorable, but I decided to give it another chance and bought a 12-pack "on sale" (it still cost almost $4 more than my favorite "everyday" brew, Keystone Light).

From bottle number one I realized I'd made a serious mistake.  MGD 64 had little-to-no flavor.  In fact, it tasted very much like watered light beer to me.  Now how bland is that?

I don't really care that MGD 64 is (only) 40 calories less per 12 oz serving than Keystone light.  Water is zero calories - and no alcohol. At 2.8 percent alcohol,  MGD 64 is only slight better than water in the "buzz department".  Why would I pay over $10 for a 12-pack of flavorless, buzzless bottled water when I can buy two six-packs of 16-oz ("tall boys") Keystone Light at the Valero station on Airline for $6 and get 4.2 percent alcohol and a lot more flavor?

Hype only sells so much.

Of MGD, Weight Loss and Brooks Pro Saddles
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Dieting

Several things worth mentioning:

1. Miller Genuine Draft Light (a.k.a. MGD 64) is IMHO a terrible beer.  I will never buy the stuff again - it has little to no flavor to speak off.  For less money I could have bought Keystone Light - only 40 more calories per bottle but LOTS more flavor.  So what if MGD 64 has only 64 calories - plain water has none!
2. As of June 20 I've lost 30 pounds - I started my current diet/weight loss program on April 6, so not too bad for me!
3. I just won a 1978-vintage Brooks Team Professional all-leather saddle on eBay.  I had a Brooks Pro on my old Raleigh Pro Mark IV back in 1977 - after I'd broken it in (took riding part of the 1977 USCF Arkansas State Road Racing Championships in the rain to do it) it was the most comfortable saddle I've ever owned.  Unfortunately, dumby me sold in when I was building up my Ciocc in 1986.  I'm hoping an already broken-in Brooks saddle will help me overcome problems with my "male parts" becoming numb when I ride for more than 20 minutes.  At 54, I'm not as tough "down there" as I was in the late 1980s.

My Ciocc Is A Classic!
Mood:  happy
Topic: Cycling
I have confirmed that my Ciocc San Cristobal is definitely pre-1984.  The Cioccs in the '84 catalog have dual water-bottle bosses and brazed-on front derailleur mounts (my Ciocc doesn't).  Plus, I have assurances that my frame was already in the shop at least by late 1983 - if not earlier.  To be considered a "classic" at Classic Rendezvous a bike must be 1983 or earlier vintage.  It has been suggested to me that my Ciocc frame could have been built as early as 1977.  Regardless, it looks like I have a "classic" - albeit a still-ridden one with lots of little scratches (but thankfully no dings).

Necessities vs Luxuries
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Cycling

Well, I seriously doubt I'll be switching back to a Brooks Pro saddle after all.  It seems that bicycle saddles, like tires, have greatly increased in price since the late 1980s.  A new Brooks would run me well over $100.  Even a used Brooks on eBay costs over $60 with shipping.  Then I'd have to break the darn thing in (ugh!)  Last time I broke in a Brooks it took me a long road race (in the rain), a century and LOTS of miles after that.  Anyway, I figure an "Italian stallion" like Ciocc needs an Italian saddle, so I guess I'll stick with my ol' Selle Italia Turbo.  Besides, I just spent the money I would have spent on a Brooks on new tires for Ciocc - got a deal online from the Yellow Jersey in Madison, Wisconsin on three Servizio Corsa sew-ups for only $50 (regularly $19.95 each).  Seems they have 'em made in bulk to their own specs by a factory in Thailand.  I ended up spending $67 on the tires, some rim cement and shipping - same price as one new Continental Sprinter.  I can live with the saddle I have but I HAD to have new tires (my poor-old Contis are currently blow-outs waiting to happen).

Enough about bicycles  . . . its beer time.

Man of La Mancha
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Man of La Mancha
Topic: Cycling

My Continental Sprinters are shot . . . at least my rear tire is.  The casing is starting to bulge in a few places.  Guess they didn't hold up as well as I thought.

But . . .
Hear me now
Oh thou bleak and unbearable world,
Thou art base and debauched as can be;
And a knight with his banners all bravely unfurled
Now hurls down his gauntlet to thee!
I am I, Don Quixote,
The lord of La Mancha,
My destiny calls and I go,
And the wild winds of fortune
Will carry me onward,
Oh whithersoever they blow.
Whithersoever they blow,
Onward to glory I go!

I'll get new tires  . . . and the 'Ciocc Cat' will ride again!

The Miracle Lite Beer Diet
Topic: Dieting

The Miracle Lite Beer Diet

I LOST 15 POUNDS IN JUST 30 DAYS ON THE MIRACLE LITE BEER DIET!

How many ads have you seen floating around the web for so-called "miracle diets" or other weight loss products that promise unbelievable weight loss in just a few days?  I recently saw a link here on LiveStrong that went so far as to loudly proclaim that "dieting doesn't work".  WHO WRITES THIS CRAP? 

Scientific fact: The human body needs so many calories a day to maintain a certain weight.  If you consume fewer calories than needed, you'll gradually lose weight.  You can accelerate the weight loss by increasing your amount of physical activity so that you burn more calories, or further reduce your caloric intake.  Its simple math kids!

As for my "MIRACLE LITE BEER DIET" - yes, it really does work.  Lite beer is very low in fat and carbs and is a good source of B-complex vitamins.  It even contains a small amount of protein (albeit very small).  Consumed before dinner, the liquid "fills you up" so that you feel full before you start eating and the alcohol helps suppress your appetite.  However, lite beer still contains calories (about 104 cals per 12 oz) so it needs to be counted like anything else.

(Dirty little secret - I didn't lose 15 pounds in 30 days just because of the lite beer - but because I watched what I ate, counted my calories and didn't sit around on my butt all day 'slacking on the net'!)